


chrome/sliver/girl

by dark_academia_aesthetic



Category: Infinity Train (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Study, Conversations, Gen, Gender Identity, Nonbinary Lake | Mirror Tulip, Other, author needs to be doing their schoolwork, but i firmly believe they're non-binary in canon so it's only partially so, but you can read it as platonic, i ship lake and jesse so i tagged it as ship, i think, is this projection? mayhaps, not really sure if i used that tag right but it feels like it fits this story, occurs after s2ep5 so lake is referred to as mt, this headcanon is all that has consumed my mind since i finished season two yesterday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_academia_aesthetic/pseuds/dark_academia_aesthetic
Summary: Lake and Jesse have a conversation about gender.
Relationships: Jesse Cosay & Lake | Mirror Tulip, Jesse Cosay/Lake | Mirror Tulip
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	chrome/sliver/girl

**Author's Note:**

> Edit 10/21/20: It has been brought to my attention that in this fic, I reinforce some harmful concepts about gender expression and identity. This was not my intention at all, but that doesn't mean it's not damaging anyway. Please know that I apologize for any discomfort this causes you, and I promise to do better with depictions of and misconceptions about gender in the future.

Once everything had settled, and they found an empty car that grew dark when their internal clocks told them it should (not every car did that, which made it confusing sometimes- it was hard enough to keep track of time on the Train), Jesse turned to M.T. The two of them were sitting cross-legged on the ground with their backs resting against Alan Dracula. Already, the car’s sky was fading to a midnight haze, and the air grew chilly with it, even for M.T. “So,” he began, “I have a personal question. And I know you don’t like those-”

“I _despise_ them,” M.T. muttered.

“But since I’m your favorite person-” he noticed her opening her mouth to refute it- “-the _only_ person you know, will you answer one just this once?”

M.T. mulled it over for a second. On the one hand, she really did hate answering questions about herself. But on the other hand… 

She watched as Jesse tried to start a fire by striking two rocks together above a pile of dry grass. He’d climbed a three-story tall superpowered deer today, all because she’d been suspicious of the parasite. Because he wanted to help his friend. She didn’t like to admit it, even to herself, but the way they’d reacted today was automatic. They listened to each other. They were becoming a… team. So, didn’t he deserve some answers?

Wordlessly, M.T. stuck out her hand. Jesse took it and, hesitantly, struck it with the flint. A shower of sparks rained down on the nest he’d built; it caught immediately, and soon they had a campfire crackling cheerfully in front of them. “Fine. You may ask me one personal question, and only one.”

It might have just been the heat from the flames, but M.T. swore she could _feel_ the enthusiasm radiating off of Jesse. The knowledge of how she’d ended up with an extrovert as her traveling companion was beyond her.

“Earlier today. When we were in the- the drag car. You… didn’t seem very happy.”

“I am rarely ever happy. We’ve been together for what, two weeks now? You should know that.”

“That’s not what I mean! Look- I know what regular M.T. unhappiness looks like. It’s normal for you, yeah, but- well, let’s take right now. You’re not _happy_ , exactly, but you’re relaxed. Unless we’re actively in danger, you’re not uncomfortable anymore. But you were today.”

He was right. M.T. hadn’t wanted to think about it, had pushed it to the back of her mind, but she’d been more uncomfortable today than she had been in a while. Now the memories came flooding back- the brush of hair on the back of her neck, already unfamiliar despite how long her real hair had been like that, the way her nerves screamed an alarm the whole time she was onstage, the way the confinement of the dress itched at her, suffocated her.

“Yeah,” she sighed- begrudgingly, for good measure. “I guess I was.”

For a moment, Jesse was quiet, and M.T. was tricked into false confidence that the conversation was over. She swiveled around and began brushing her fingers through Alan Dracula’s fur. When Jesse asked, “So… why?” she swore softly under her breath, a word she’d always wished Tulip would use in front of a mirror so she got the chance to say it too. 

“I don’t _know_ why. Why do you care, anyway?”

“Was the dress too tight, or something?”

“No. It fit perfectly. And it was actually quite soft.”

“Then what was wrong?”

M.T. stayed resolutely silent. Jesse gave a frustrated sigh. “Look. M.T. I’m not trying to pressure you; if you really don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But… I don’t know how to explain it. I think you need to.”

“They were looking at me,” M.T. blurted. As soon as she did, she felt her cheeks heat up with a blush- or maybe they were just absorbing warmth from the campfire.  
Jesse said nothing, just watched her expectantly.

“They were looking at me. Everyone in the crowd. They- they all saw me wearing that dress, and in that wig, and… they thought they knew everything about me.”

“Oh,” he said. “So you have stage fright.”

“No. I don’t think so. I’ve never had an issue with people paying attention to me, not since I got out of the mirror. I don't know what this was, but it was something else.”

“Hmm,” Jesse said, a noise that would’ve sounded noncommittal in anyone else’s voice. “Well, have you ever felt it before?”

“Maybe?” M.T. thought back. “It’s kind of like how I felt when I was in the mirror. Like I was just… trapped as one thing, something I’m not, and that was how everyone saw me. Or with the Flecs. They don’t care that I’m not meant to be a reflection; they want me to stay that way, even if I’m not happy, because that’s how they think the world should work.”

“Wait, I think I know what you mean,” Jesse said. “Do you think- okay, this might sound weird at first, but do you think you felt like that because they saw you as a girl?”

M.T. frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, you don’t look very feminine. But you used to, right? Maybe that’s part of why you felt so trapped. It reminded you of being in the mirror. Of having to pretend to be something you’re not.”

“Oh,” she said. “That… actually makes a lot of sense. But if I’m not a girl, then what am I? A boy?” She considered it for a moment, then made a face. “That doesn’t seem right either.”

“Well, you’ve got lots of practice at making your own option,” Jesse reminded her, grinning.

For a second, M.T. felt her own lips curve in a smile. This revelation was buzzing in her mind; she couldn’t believe she’d never realized it before. She’d rejected every other thing they told her she had to be. Why should she stick with this one if it wasn’t making her happy?

Then a thought crossed her mind like a thundercloud, and the smile dropped from her face. 

Jesse noticed. Of course he did. “M.T.? You okay?”

“This doesn’t matter,” she whispered. She drew her knees up to her chest and looked off to the side, away from him. “It’s not like anyone’s going to care. They don’t even see me as a person; who’s going to listen if I tell them I’m not a girl?”

“I care,” Jesse replied, so sincerely that she glanced back at him, startled. “And I’m listening.”

When she didn’t respond, he smiled a little and moved closer to her. “I’ve got your back, M.T. I don’t like you because you’re a girl- I like you because you’re _you_. And if you’re non-binary, then I’ll do everything I can to make you feel seen. Now, are you fine with she/her? Or do you want to use another set of pronouns?”

M.T. buried her face in her knees to hide her smile. “I don’t think it’s the pronouns that bother me, it’s knowing that other people see me as a girl. But ‘they’ might be nice?”

“Okay, I’ll try it out for you. This is M.T.; they have a cool fashion sense. Their skin is pretty, even if it’s really hard. I’m friends with them even if they still haven’t answered my question about whether or not they get rusty when they drink water-”

“ _They_ are going to hit you if you don’t stop asking that,” M.T. objected, a laugh rising up despite their best efforts.

 _They_. It fit differently than ‘she’ had. It was both softer and louder, and it would probably set them apart even more when they finally got off the Train.

But it was a good kind of difference.

 _Mirror girl. Chrome girl. Sliver girl._ They were all labels that had been pushed on them by everybody else, labels that never fit the way they should. Now, their power was gone. They’d never fit into any box they were meant to, never act the way they were supposed.

And they loved it.

“Hey, Jesse?”

He looked up, firelight reflected in his eyes. “Yeah?”

M.T. smiled, softly. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed that!! i really love lake and their relationship with jesse, so i might write more fic about them in the future if this is well-received (and once i'm done with my other projects.) let me know what you think in the comments! i live for audience validation.


End file.
